Sunday, March 30, 2003

EVERYONE BE HAPPY!!.........why does our world have to suck so much that people aren't happy. it brings me down as im sure, it brings you down. bah, people just need to check their baggage at the door, emotional that is. i can feel all the pressure from other people just pushing down on me, it breaks me down to see people suffer and cry or even get hurt. why does it have to be this way?

sidenote- why does everyone try to compeat with each other. sure compition is good, in games and sports. but not in everyday life. im tried of everyone having to be better than someone else or always being right. lets just let it be and not start it. everyone has had different expereances, and thats what sets us all apart. i know personaly i have had many which test my character and give me impressions of being better than others, but i know im not. why cant everyone see im not trying to be better than them, im just trying to be the best i can for myself.

too bad i just cant get a break, a chance to be free from all this. a month somewhere with no cares. or at least....to be a cat and get to do nothing all day. that would be cool. actualy, i wish i could express my feelings into writing, but i cant. i cant get my message across cleary and everything i write, i fear makes no sense. bahhhhh just go awayy!!
21:08

yay, tommorrow is new york.

-yesturday was so cool.... paintball. it just was, no details.

afterwords i relized i had gotten posin oak from it....so id just like to say DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee
20:47

Thursday, March 27, 2003

I used to be fake, but now im trying to be real, but i think im just faking it. -Greg

Well, i guess this thing is gonna turn into a diary/say stuff place.....just like everyone else's. joy.... anyways, track beat Mt 110 to 19..yay!! and today had a nice chat with greg/laura about everything. made me open my eyes a little more.
bahhhh.....stupid archive thing, not letting my edit it. gerrr well i gotta start getting ready for Ny. just wanted to put that quote in before i forgot it. later
19:07

Saturday, March 22, 2003

NOTE: all places with a --deleated-- sign are where ive taken out things because origonaly noone was gonna read this, but then greg talked me into giving him the link, so yea....i had to edit it for context.

also....id like to note that it took forever to change the colors around...and it still looks bad. BAHH and now the sizing is slightly different from gregs. :-)
19:31

there are a few people in this would that make me belive everything is gonna be alright.

-Melissa for obvious reasons.....wont go into details
-Jessica because with her, i truly belive there are good people out there. i feel like a better person when around her. her religous faith and strength of character are great qualities, if only we could all be like that.
-Greg for being true and opening my eyes a little wider each day. always cheerful, even if he isn't really- a pleasnt change from the, bah i hate everything that most people do. also, for being himself
-Laura for her bluntness, and not trying to be fake like other people. I can always rely on her for a straight answer, i cant think of one time when she has lied to me.
-Jason- has the undieing good will and patience. i doubt that ive ever seen him truly mad and no matter what happins to him, i can see him being santa. i wish i was like him.

sorry if your not here, i dont think anyless of you. your still a good person.

i dont really expect anyone to read this except greg, since im giving him the link, so i hope none gets offended. i guess ill just give him a sock for his hard work.


--deleated--



ive relized that i get "old" with people. like, everyone thinks im fine for the first 2 months or so, then i just start getting old, and we dont become as good of friends, and then just stop. i dont have a best friend. my old one (jerrad) i hardly talk to anymore, just the occasional hi as we pass in the halls...maybe. everyone else has best friends, i just have myself. actualy melissa is, since your girlfriend is supposed to be your best friend. the one person your'd rather spend time with more than anyone else. but im not her bestfriend. so its uneven. nothing ever works. it makes me sad. but im HAPPY because i jsut keep my sorrow and anger inside. so many feelings, with no outlet. and its been getting worse. i really am starting to belive that basketball used to be my outlet, but now......no basketball so whats gonna happin to me? ive just been cought in a whirlpool of pain and anger and hatred and evil things.......which i dont want. i think that naturaly im a good, happy, person. --deleated--

well, time to go eat. ill just down my sorrow and pain in food.........like always. maybes thats why i eat so much?
17:47

well, i just had this whole thing writen, but deleated because i relized that it could all be summed up in one sentence.
SEX= SCREWS US OVER......all this would be because our society is based on it. everything is. and that makes me sad. i wont go on explaning it....seeing how i just did and then deleated it, so.....

shoe
17:22

well, this being the first post...id just like to welcome you all here. im sure ill probably forget about this by tommorrow(wonders of being robert) or i just wont have time to ever update it. oh well. one day. anyway, id just like to say im sorry right up front. for everything ive ever done. so yea........ bye now
I just relized this thing is just like a diary.....why?
16:59