Tuesday, October 28, 2003

i wish for last year......and even perhaps the year before that


I know it's hard for you
To understand what I'm going through
But now I sit here to remind myself
You're always dressed to kill
And you feel like you owe it to the world
But you owe it to yourself
And you're, you're not here
And I can't stop pretending
That you're forever mine...
And i
I can't dream anymore since you left
I miss you singing me to sleep
I can't wake anymore in your arms
I miss you singing me to sleep
Cheer up my friends all say
You're better alone anyways
But you're always on tour
And you're never home
I'm always dressed to kill
And I feel like I owe it to the world
But I owe it to myself
And you're, you're not here
And I can't stop pretending
That you're forever mine..
16:50

Friday, October 03, 2003

sorry for the lack of info..........school bites.

In other news.......i hate my life

-Adios
21:11

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Check it:

"According to VanGogh,' Art is ultimitely concerned with the 'creation of' and not the end result.' Our lives are like works of art. Too often people paint their lives with the narrow goal of a single end result rather than just creating. To create is to live." -Jess (really cool friend)
18:06

Monday, September 08, 2003

well, now in english we are to put all our interesting thoughts in the "juornal" deal. so its basicaly just cutting all things from this and writing it into this new figure.

A few things:
Why cant i ever say the right things are the right times? why cant i be the one she wants to be with?

Ive relized that i dont remember faces very well, but places i remember just dandy. Run that through you brain.

I sneeze when i look into the sun, or when i go from a dark place to a light place. Well not so much now, but i used to everytime back in the day.

Love is a tricky thing. How are we ever sure?

Why is it that little kids naturaly see the beauty in things? they see pretty flowers in dandilions. Weeds we call them now, but then why when we were younge did we run home to give our moms one that we picked. Or they find the fun things out of seemingly boring items, and can ammuse themselves for hours with the simplest things. Kids are cool.
17:27

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

Man, so another year of school is upon us. The only cool thing about this year is that everyone can drive......i cant wait. just one more month. Then i can leave whenever i want, instead of being like now...where im stuck inside on the LAST DAY OF SUMMER. I hate those words. Oh yay, i do get to go out of the house, mails here. Well, now that thats out of the way...i wish i could drive. Then i know once i can, ill want to drive other people, leagaly. Then once that happens....Im sure ill want something else. This is the life we lead, the one we chose years ago.
13:05

"And this is the end, the car running out of road, the river losing its name in an ocean, the long nose of the photographed horse touching the white electronic line. This is the colophon, the last elephant in the parade, the empty wheelchair, and pigeons floating down in the evening. Here the stage is littered with bodies, the narrator leads the characters to their cells, and the climbers are in their graves. It is me hitting the period and you closing the book. It is Sylvia Plath in the kitchen and St. Clement with an anchor around his neck. This is the final bit thinning away to nothing. This is the end, according to Aristotle, what we have all been waiting for, what everything comes down to, the destination we cannot help imagining, a streak of light in the sky, a hat on a peg and outside the cabin, falling leaves."
-Billy Collins
10:02

Saturday, August 23, 2003

There are so many possibilities that could happen everyday. And everytime you could ask the question, what would have happened had i chosen differently. Like, if im hungry, i could go get some food, or not. I chose not, but if i had chose to go get some.....what might have happened? I might have been killed by food poisioning. Ill never know. Or if my family had not decide to get a computer and internet, right now I might have been doing drugs and having sex. Who knows what could have happened if we had done soemthing differently. Had i decided to go for a walk today, i might have been hit by a truck and died. That would be bad. Or had i decided to not wear a certin shirts, i might have been killed by someone who has the same one and was pissed. I know that I'll never know.

Along the same lines:
When we are doing something, and a problem faces us, how do we know that its either a test (possibly of character, bravery or any number of things) or a punishment or warning. Like with the Jews and Hitler, how do we know its not Gods way of punishing them for something, or if it was a test of their faith? Or if we are walking down the street, and a black cat crosses our path, is it a warning? or a test if you will brave enough to continue? Is my constant bad luck a punishment for my misdeeds or tests in my daily life of continuance? Everyone just holds to their own opinion on if its good or bad, and keeps going, but how do we truly know whos right? Because everyone thinks that they are the good guy. These questions probably will never be answered, and if someone does answer me......i will dye my hair pink and try duck.
19:36

What is the reason that women try to change men after they have married them? We always argue that if you loved us enough to marry us, then why try to change that person. Well here is the answer! Women have this "biological clock" that many are fond of talking about. Eventualy they won't have the ability to ahve kids anymore, so before that time, they want to have a mate and....mate with him. They therefor have a limited time to decide on which guy is right for them, limiting their choice. So they might decide on one with the least imperfections than the rest, and then later try to change those imperfections. On the other hand, men have their whole lives to father a child. So they have more time to find this perfect women than the women does to find the man. So this woman they choose should be perfect in their eyes, with no imperfections at all. Which means they wont want to change them after they get married.
Perhaps maybe, this concept could be aplied to dating at our age also, but to a lesser degree since the clock still has plenty of time left. But really, i think its just in women's nature to try to change us. They always do, even if not in love with us. Friends try to change us, but only girls, guys never do. And sometimes, it makes me mad. Are we not good enough? Its not like we're trying to be the best for you. Because its not always about you. So then WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS TRYING TO CHANGE ME!
00:09

Friday, August 22, 2003

Everyday we decide the fate of living things. Many of us are against killing or hurting others, but others is mostly confined to other humans and large animals. Yet everyday, those same people step on a plant or smack that annoying fly. Why do they only care for the larger animals like pets. Who are you to decide if that fly gets to live or die. Or if that misquito should pay for sucking your blood. Who knows?, that might be the one that scientists would have captured and solved the problem to some horrible disease. Its just that at that moment the misquito is annoying us, and has cause us an inconvience. So it must die. Flys and ants also cause inconvinence, so we kill them. Why dont we kill other people then, that annoy us. We would, if not for our morals. Morals which have a limit. Who are we to decide that weeds should be killed and grass kept? Nature has obviously made the weeds able to take over for a reason, why are we defying it. Is it the power we feel? Humans by nature, love power and control. So each and everyday, we decide somethings life. Chew on that for awhile.
11:48

Thursday, August 21, 2003

Someone..........make my life better, please
22:51

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Want some random bits of poems? well here you go, keep checking back for more added on.......


I remember a time when you loved me
And there was no one else but you and I
You looked in my eyes and meant what was said
But now that time as passed
It hurts more with each new day
I guess it won’t get any easier with time
Because I poured too much love in you
And now it’s never going to return

There’s so much I’d like to say
But the silence remains unbroken
I’ll try to speak with no delay
But I know it will never be spoken

Wish me luck
Because I'm against the odds
I've waded out deep
To defy the Gods
The world might have turned its back
But never shall i give in
Against all those remarks
High I'll hold my chin
Don't try to stop me
Just step back a pace
Because up my sleeve
I still hold the ace

As I fall down the hole of failure,
Nothing seems to be as before
All hope is starting to leave
Just got up and out the door

How can I express these unfelt feelings
The ones forbidden for me to hold
They show up in each of our dealings
Never will any of these words be told

Just to hear you talk of sorrow
It hurts to see your pain
You say I have no idea
But really I’ve seen the same

Why do you do this to me
Rip my heart out just to give it back
Love me when we’re alone
But everyone else must come first
Can’t I ever win this game
Instead of being runner up
Its time to move on to better things
Ones that aren’t as great
Because nothing can be the same
Yet for the past I still long

why does she have to do this to me every time,
Everytime my heart gets ripped out and beat on the floor,
Never again can i let this happen to me,
But then i start walking back into her arms,
Just to have it happen the same as last time
And then we kiss

Shadows of the mind are running
With rampant speed of air
Passing the fleeting moment
As if it were taking a nap
Suspicion growing with each
Point of these passings
Till I can’t get these thoughts
Out from the darkness they hide
Where they brood and expand
Until I myself am consumed

Each night I hurt so bad
Yet never cry myself to sleep
Even though the tears don’t come
The pain is still felt deep
My heart breaks in two
But no sign crosses my face
Because I am something strong
Apparently soon to be replaced
Until it’s late I lay awake
Heavy thoughts lay on my chest
Tiny drops soon appear and glisten
Now I can finally get some rest

Let me crawl into your mind
And just see for a second
The thoughts you keep
And what you really think
Do you mean what is said?
Or just what I want to hear
Is it truly what you mean?
I doubt it every time you speak
Only once is what I ask
But it will never happen
And I won’t know the real you
Because I will never be inside


22:18

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

I'm so lost and confused, and sad. This was the perfect day, i was so happy. But happyness comes with a price i guess. So now, because of a good day, my life for the moment has fallen. Theres so much....bah, im done. i cant even go on. i dont know. I think im starting to cry actualy.
00:28

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Thoughts of the day:

Dreams:
Why don't we see color in dreams? Is it that we simply dont dream with color, or do we just not pay attention to small details like that. Which is very possible since i hardley remember the dream at all. Are dreams just our imagination running wild, or is it memories being played over...even if they are a little wierd sometimes.
And I can only remember a few dreams.
-One was there were a whole bunch of robots in my backyard and i was doing like a tourist atraction, until they started attacking us so we were running away over neighbor's fences, looking back i see one robot lift another over the fence and think oh no, they're escaping. then my dad says "lets hop this fence" and i woke up.
-In the next i was walking through Greg's backyard for some reason and there was a whole mess of giant spiders (not like a house, but like.....the size of your fist, if you dont count their legs. And in real life, that s a big frikin spider) in these massive webs. So im walking around them so they dont bite me. But then i get the bright idea to throw a rock at one and run away. So i throw the rock but that little bastard jumps out of the way and runs at me and jumps onto my stomach and bites me. Then i woke up.
-One time i was just walking along, then i remember thinking, hey wait a second, im dreaming. then i woke up.

Do we have a moral obligation to the trillions of unborn people that never will have the chance to live unless we chose it for them? I guess this goes along the lines of pro-choice or pro-life. So even if you dont kill you half-grown baby in your body and instead think ahead and dont even have sex at all. You are still killing the possible children in which you dont concive. If you have a child, and are trying to decide if you want another or two or three, whats stops some people from doing it and doesn't with others. Many claim its the financial or time constrants that stop them, but is it really a deeper reason?

Finally, just to appease you with the curious mind, the songs without a title and author after it are mine. So you can stop asking me. Patent pending of course.

Thats it.
14:02

I don’t care who you wanna pray to
If it makes you happy then go ahead
But you claim I'm wrong, what gives you the right
Just stick to you own life
-Stand by
-Dance Hall Crashers
13:52

Thursday, August 07, 2003

Maybe i do just dwell on things too much. I can remember so many times i felt horrible for doing something, but not many i felt good for. And for days i contemplate and think about something that happened, always in the past. Up coming things dont really affect me. I dont get too excited about things. I dont know. I remember little things no one else does, but its just because i did something that i regret. Not anything big either, just little things. But no one else remembers or will remember. Just locked in my mind for all eternaty, always to regret the past.

And people always notice when you screw up once, but never when you do it right a thousand times.
20:55

Im sorry for everything:



A friend I might have called you
But now it does not seem so
For you are much more than that
And to you there is much I owe

Every time we meet together
Another step we take
Towards the feelings I hide
The very ones I try to fake

With each day that passes by
Never will we be the same
We’ve grown closer each time
Since I heard you’re name

I miss you when we don’t talk
Or when we start to fall
It pains me when we fight
I guess my heart is just too small

Its not that I would call it love
Just a very close bond I’d say
Yet over others I hold you high
Hope you can see it in that way

18:12

Why am i the way i am? I can't express myself well enough. Thats why if im in an argument, unless ive spent lots of time rolling it over in my mind, i will lose. Thoughts dont flow to my mouth fast enough, or in the corect way i want it to. I will be wrong to everyone else, but myself since i have my toughts. And i can never convince anyone else otherwise. Thats probably why ive just given into saying im sorry whenever the thought of an argument ocures. The only outlet i have of my emotions is physicaly. Just 5 min ago, i biked like nothing else to nowhere and back, simply because i had to get away. Away from the computer where people talk about life and their problems. Outside is a true friend. But i cant let out my anger or sorrow in any other way than running or biking or beating the hell out of something. And while doing this, ill think of plenty of things i should have said in the argument, but even then, when i return, all i can think of saying is "sorry" and there it ends, since if i say anything more ill be forced to run out of the house again wondering how can people think this way. How does that thought even enter into someones mind? Man society really has screwed everyone over. Maybe I'll just hold on. Be the rock, an island in the sea "friends"
15:50

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

The RBF concert rocked. Starting with everyone in line to go to what seems like the post office and moving on to the stuffing cameras in our pants hoping the guys patting us down dont go into the crotch area. Then these random singers on the second floor singing about some wierd funny thing that has been washed from my mind at the moment. And then the fun started. I have never been more violated in my life. To clean myself from last night i would have burn my skin off and then gouge out my eyes. For the first three bands, which weren't really that great, we hung out near the moshpit of death. Elbows, fists, heads, feet...all flailing around in a whirlwind of terror. Just by standing near the origin, you were sucked into the fray. Most often you would end up on the other side and be forced to jump back into it to return to everyone else. Laura getting knocked on her ass was quite the sight. Oh, then theres this chick in a bikini top, which just happens to fall of right in the middle, thank god her back was towards me. Next came the constant stream of crowd surfers. It only sucked when they came from the back and you had no warning until they're crotch is right in your face. And the band Molly & co. came to see was really a disapointment, maybe they're just not good live but they sucked. After the first three punk bands i was really in the mood for some good old ska. Never will i not appriciate a good brass sound. So as RBF comes on laura and I decided to make it to the very front, which we did accomplish by the end. Once we got through the hordes of bodies, theres the constant fat people, or whores, and theres no escape by the time you get there. All you can do is move with the flow of the crowd. Being up there was like being raped from all sides. ALL SIDES. No where on your body is safe, and i mean nowhere. Especialy when some girl behind you is way too excited and wont stop rubbing her body against you, which forced you forward into the girl in front of you. And the high pitched screams just blast your ears out. After that concert i couldn't hear any thing. And finally, it wouldn't be a concert without the black man with a fro cusing out some white girl in the front or the lead singer mooning the crowd or middle fingers aplenty. But thats what we all went there for. So in all, it was a very fun night. In fact, one might go as far as saying it was memorable.
13:53

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Thoughts while mowing the lawn:

How do you describe color to a color blind person? They see in shades of black grey and white, so how you tell them what red is, or green? What does the sky look like to a color blind person? and even if you do manage to describe color, how do you know what you see as one color isn't a different color to someone else. What if when you see red, i see green. But its just that we grew up with them telling us that its red, so when i see green, i think its red....but you all see red, so you dont notice anything wrong with it. Its like if you went to Austrailia, and they called Green, Blue. Its still the same color, just a different name. So if we cant describe color, then how do we know we are all seeing the same things?

Also, on the same line of thought, how do we know the emotion we know by a name are the same felt by someone else. Like Love, no one can truly describe love. Or sorrow. If i say im feeling sorrow, that meaning could be compleatly different to you than it is from me. No one is the same, so then why would emotions be the same for each person? Theres just no way to find out i guess.

To be backed into a corner is supposed to be bad, but is it? A corner is easier to defend than in the open. Its a tatical fact that when up against larger numbers, to have your back against a wall is a good thing. It stops people from being able to suround you and sneak up from behind. In Jail, you want your butt in the corner, who knows what might happen if you dont. The downside of a corner is that it leaves no avenue for escape or withdrawel. Once in your corner, thats your last stand. This is when the trapdoor of a cyanide pill deprives your enemy of his satisfaction of the final blow. For extra points, you can try to kiss them after taking your pill, hopefully taking them with you. And thats what its all really about.

Would the world be better if everyone thought, "You're the least important person in the room, and don't forget that." People would be alot more humble, but then again very insecure. Everyone needs to relize that they are selfish pigs, but still have confidence. "The common denominator of all we see is always, transparently, shamelessly, the implacable 'I.'" We should be more concerned about otheres than ourselves, this is true. But its or nature not to.
10:55

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

James Bond Marathon:

Day 1: Dr. No(111), From Russia With Love(118), Goldfinger(108), Thunderball(129), You Only Live Twice(117)
Day 2: [Casino Royale(125)] On Her Majesty's Secret Service(140), Diamonds Are Forever(121), Live and Let Die(123), Man with the Golden Gun(119)
Day 3: The Spy Who Loved Me(128), Moonraker(127), For Your Eyes Only(129), Octopussy(126)
Day 4: Never Say Never Again(134), A View to Kill(131), The Living Daylights(130), Licence to Kill(133)
Day 5: Golden Eye(130), Tommorrow Never Die(120), The World is not Enough(128), Die Another Day(132)

Someday this will happen.
11:06

Sunday, July 27, 2003

I dont know, just going to go off on a few things:

My family is tight. We had a family gathering today, and just for an idea, my dad's dad's brothers' wife's brother's grandchildren were there....and i think that is rad. its just cool how intergrated it is, and how even though that are so extended, they are treated just as close. If you need an army in the Lodi area, just tell me and i can get one in about half and hour. However, my whole family are drinkers. Heavy drinkers, but that are still really cool drunks. Not the mean kind sitting on the corner bar stoll yelling at everyone walking by, but just cool people. and ALL of them drink. Every last one of them......except the old ones like my grandma, theyve stopped. So basicaly its my heratige to be a drinker, but still i defy them. But still, its sooooo funny just to sit there and listen to them talk. Like my cousin, well my dad's cousin actualy, got started about his hair cut....and then his dauther and brother come out and they all get into it. Its so funny. Or my sister just talking to my cousin about how late night means start adding on the pounds. They are just plain funny to listen to, you all should meet them. And they are such good natured people, they will bend over backwards just to help you out. Doesn't matter, as long as you are family or a friend of one of the family, or even a stranger (but not as much). If you came with me, all id have to do is say youre my friend and introduce you, and youd be parting and joking around with them like you were a part of my family. They are just plain cool.

Another fact about my family, is that since we are japanese, the eldest male child of a family in herits everything. My Grandfather was the oldest, and my dad was the only male child as am I. Think of it like Royalty, they pass it down. So im next in line after my father to gain everything. (which can suck) but anyways, my grandfather died sometime ago, and now my grandmother is basicaly the head of the whole family network. But really, since Japanese go by males, not women, my dad is. So its funny, because everyone has decided that he has veto power over things and when they want to change traditions or something they ask him and they are all like, "Oh ask Willie, hes the patriarch of the family" Then they ask him, and usualy he just nods his head. And if he oks it, they are do it and if anyone complains they just say, "oh but Willie told us its ok" Anyways, the funny part is in my mind its like the Godfather, where he just nods his head and the hit is done and the guys dead. I guess you just have to see it to understand.

When i go to take my Id picture for Senior year, im going to dress in full camo. Since they dont go in the yearbook or anything but your ID, that would be cool. but i dont know if theyd let me because it would be ahrd to tell who it is in the picture with the camo paint and such. Hmmm, well.....i dont know. it just would be super rad if i could.

I dont know what reminded me of this, probably some coversation with laura but i used to have the coolest neighbor ever. She's about 5 or 6 years older than I but was here from when i was born to about 6th grade. Her name was Tina. Shes the one who taught me to bike, rollerblade and everything else. She babysat me when my parents left, she hung around all the time and was just generaly cool. The only thing that sucker was that bother her parents died when she was little and she lived with her grandparents across from my house. Her Grandparents are the meanest grumpiest old people ever (now they are divorced, probably because they relized they both suck) and they were horrible to her. HORRIBLE. So she tried the whole sicide deal and would run away sometimes, cops would be called, theyd find her somewhere and bring her back. This happened one too many times i guess because her grandparents had enough and sent her to some foster family. She came back every once in a while, seemed like she was doing ok. Then i guess she dropped out of highschool. One day i was walking down the street with two friends over by Tracy's house by some church/school thing and a car pulled up with 4 teenagers inside. And you guessed it, one of them was her....they were picking up her boyfriends brother. They were dressed like the typical druggie gangstars, with smoke pouring out of the car. She came recongized me and came over...man am I dissapointed in her now. She used to be so cool, and now....just one of the typical people i dispise. Oh well, i guess thats the choice she made, but my image of her was crushed, and now everyonce in a while i think back to her and just wonder whats she doing now.

Another one of my childhood people was Jimmy. He was the coolest guy ever. Just 3 years older than me, we were more of friends than Tina and I. I dont really feel like going into detail about him, but now hes the typical druggie white trash. And im disapointed in him too. He was truly my role model growing up, the guy i looked up to. So many memories of the good times all dashed now. meh.

Trains suck. Today we were driving and just as we get to the tracks, the gates close. Then this train comes....moving so slow i could have beat it by running, and its the longest thing ever. So we sit there for 20-30 min and we finaly see the end coming. Then just as its about 50 yards from passing us, the train stops. Just stops. We hear the air being let out of the breaks, and it just stops dead in front of us. Then it starts backing up. So we just say screw this and start driving on a rode that runs paralle to it and beat it to a crossing. All they were doing in that train was switching tracks. Theres a friken time to do that, and its not at 5 in the evining, its at 2 in the morning when no one who cares is on the road. That truly did bite.

Our world is all about convienence. I'll let you think about that because its time to eat. later foo
21:27

Saturday, July 26, 2003

Druggies and Sots: they suck, they piss me off, and they screw us over.
23:04

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

"This is the California where it is possible to live and die without ever eating an artichoke, without ever meeting a Catholic or Jew. This is the California where it is east to Dial-A-Devotion, but hard to buy a book. This is the country in which belief in the literal interpretation of Genesis has slipped imperceptiby into a belief in the literal interpretation of Double Indemnity, the country of the teased hair and the Capris and the girls for whom all life's promise comes down to a waltz-length white wedding dress and the birth of a Kimberly or a Serry or a Debbi and a Tijuana divorce and a return to a hairdressers' school. 'We were just crazy kids,' they say without regret, and look to the future. The furture always looks good in the golden land, because no one remembers the past. Here is where the hot wind blows and the old ways do no seem relevant, whereone person in thirty-eight lives in a trailer. Here is the last stop for all those who drifted away from the cold and the past and the old ways." -Didion
08:55

Why is this world so confusing and complicated. Emotions, thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, hearts....... I dont know what i want anymore. actualy, i wish i knew what other people we're thinking. Everything would be alot easier. To know feelings were mutual or if your just getting play along. Why am i doing this. There are so many questions un answered, and even the ones people ask of myself. None can i answer even if i should know. Do i really want what im thinking? or is it just because ive spent too much time with it, turning it over in my mind, seeing it all the time. I guess i do, but its so good the way it is now, everything is perfect. or is it? Slowly we're pulling apart. I can see it happening, does anyone else? Everyone else is better than me. They're smarter, cooler, more interesting, listen better.....well im SORRY, i cant be everything thats perfect, i and if i cant be the one you want, just LEAVE ME THEN! i dont care anymore, ill be fine, you just have to relize whats in your own mind. I can only be who I am..... but at least give me the decency of being able to THINK that im perfect. I guess not, because im not perfect, ITS "perfect". not me. Im the one in the wrong, i'd better change or put a stop to it. those are my choices i guess. Then again, i could always just let it be. I hate you all......no i guess not. really I LOVE YOU, yea i know who you are, and i do love you. doesn't seem like anyone else really cares about me. But i wish i could decide what i want. Why cant these things be easy.
00:16

Monday, July 21, 2003

Drugs are bad:

MAN CUTS OFF PENIS, EATS IT
(Malaysia, AP) - A Malaysian man sliced off his own penis, then fried and ate it after taking hallucinatory pills that caused him to hear voices urging him to mutilate himself, police said. The 34-year-old man claimed he only realized what he had done when he saw blood oozing from his crotch, said a police spokesman in the town of Sitiawan, north of Kuala Lumpur. The man had taken hallucinatory pills before sleeping and awoke hearing voices telling him to chop off his penis and devour it, the spokesman said. He was hospitalized in stable condition, the national news agency Bernama reported.
11:32

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

No one makes lists of bands they like anymore, is this because that fashion has passed? or because people are simply afraid of making their prefrences known? Well, here for your ammusment is my list. Im gonna put some onehitwonders, but not all, same with people who i only like one song of theirs. anyways, Enjoy. And if theres any that you belive deserves the honor, please let me know.

AcDc, Ace Troubleshooter, Afi, Anti-Flag, Ataris, Aquabats, Aretha Franklin, Associations, Audio Adrenaline, Bad Religion, Bangles, Barnes and Barnes, BEACH BOYS, Beastie Boys, Beatles, Bill Haley, Billy Idol, Billy Joel, Bing Crosby, Black Sabbath, Blink 182, Bob Seger, Bob Dylan, Bowling for Soup, Bruce Hornsby, Buckner and Garcia, Cake, Carl Douglas, Catch 22, CCR, Cherry Poppin Daddies, Chicago, Coasters, Contours, Cream, Dance Hall Crashers, Dashboard Confessional, Dave Matthew's Band, Dean Martin, Deep Purple, Disney Songs, Divo, Doobie Brothers, DPR, Eagles, Earth Wind and Fire, Elton John, Elvis Presley, Fine Young Cannibals, Five for Fighting, Five Iron Frenzy, Foo Fighters, Four Tops, Gene Autry, Grand Funk Railroad, Green Day, Guns and Roses, Hippos, Iron Maiden, J. Geils Band, Jackson Five, James Brown, Jars of Clay, Jefferson Airplane, Jerry Lee Lewis, Jimmy Buffet, Johnny Rivers, Johnny Socko, Joan Jett, Kenny Rogers, Katrina and the Waves, Kinks, Less than Jake, Little Richard, Lovin Spoonful, Louis Prima,Lynard Skynard, Mad Caddies, Mamas and the Papas, Marvin Gaye, Michael Jackson, Metallica, Midtown, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Monkees, Mustard Plug, MxPx, Naked Eyes, New Found Glory, Newsboys, nofx, Norman Greenbaum, Offspring, Operation Ivy, Ottis Redding, Pax 217, Pennywise, Phantom Planet, Pink Floyd, Police, QUEEN, Racer X, Radiohead, Rage Against the Machine, Ramones, Rancid, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Reel Big Fish, Relient K, Reo Speedwagon, Rod Seger, Rod Stewart, Roy Orbison, Roy Rodgers, Run DMC, Sammy Davis Jr. (and others from the Rat Pack), Seekers, Simon and Garfunkel, Simple Plan, Skatalites, Slackers, Slick Shoes, Something Corporate, Starting Line, Steppenwolf, Steve Miller Band, Stevie Wonder, Styxs, Sugarcult, Suicide Machines, Supertones, Surfaris, Survivor, Sweet, Switchfoot, System of a Down, Temptations, The Who, They might be Giants, Thin Lizzy, Three Dog Night, Tiger Army, Toasters, Tom Jones, Tom Petty, Tommy James and the Shondels, Tool, Train, Turtles, U2, Vandals, Vertical Horizon, Vitamin C, War, Wierd Al, Weezer, Wild Cherrys, Yellowcard.

There now, be ammused, offended, happy or disguested at will. It bears no harm.
15:57

Sunday, July 13, 2003

Sorry

I'm Sorry for all the pains I've caused you
Sorry for the thoughts I think
Sorry for all the things that I do
Sorry for ending it all at the brink

I'm sorry that I ruined it all
Sorry that no one can understand
Sorry that I couldn't stop you're fall
Sorry that it didn't go as planned

I'm sorry when it falls apart
Sorry when it happens all wrong
Sorry when it's done from the start
Sorry when I don't belong

I'm Sorry for not being your king
Sorry that I don't hold your nitch
Sorry when I can't solve everything
But you know, Eat it Bitch.
10:58

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Whats that you ask? Whats one of the best feelings/thing to happen? Well i guess ill tell you.

To be an underdog. To be brought down as low as possible, and to fight and struggle. To survive. Then, after persevering in the face of the challanges, to come up against the favored and to not triumph over him, but to mearly hold your own. To gain the respect of the favored, and all present. to not be looked down upon, but eye to eye now as an equal. To amaze and stun everyone, that even the favored, your enemy, cannot look on you as before, but with new reveir and respect. This is one of the best things in the world.


Example: Jamaican Bobsled team- Major underdog, didn't win, but gained something not had before...Respect.
And to some, thats more important.
00:11

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

I want to fight someone. By someone, i mean a guy because there is no way I'm going to do this with a girl. It will be a good old fashion street brawl. We'll come into it as friends and still be friends when its over, no emotions attached. The rules? Simple, no face or crotch. As soon as either of those are hit by accident (because since we are friends, we're not going to aim for that on purpose, but if accidently this happens) it's over right there, we just walk away and its done. There will be no glory over the fallen for the winner. Each will respect the fight as it was, even if it is very one-sided. (Mostly because anyone i fight with, i'll be the underdog
12:39

Water truly does suck!



Also, just a few things from this rad new site Laura found....

-There are two types of people in the world: people who like to blow soap bubbles, and people who like to pop the soap bubbles that other people have blown.
Which are you?

-Also.........you are sad if this is what you order online

-How every question should be answered:
My view of the whole thing is that until the lessons learned are known and have been developed -- they're still being
worked on -- I wouldn't be able to answer a question like that, and it impresses me that others can from their
pinnacles of relatively modest knowledge.

-and Utah loves jello

-How much porn can your priter print out? No need to find out, these guys already have.

-The last one is the one that is truly the mark of a good advice giver. mangos

-Satan


00:06

Sunday, July 06, 2003

Life is about choices and decisions. Even if you are religous, it still is. You can do anything, as long as you are willing to pay for it. If you're driving a car with someone dieing in the seat next to you and your trying to get to a hospital, you're gonna run every frikin red light you can, because you figure that getting a ticket is worth saveing this dude's life. that is the decision you made. Rules are ment to guide us, not to control us. That is why people say rules are ment to be broken. Sometimes it's nessesary to. The ten commandments are rules to live by. When it says how you shouldn't kill, its true. you shouldn't. but if its nessesary, then do it. That is why soldiers can still be religous. If its nessesary to protect your family or nation, or to save many lives of others, then by all means, rules can be broken. Alls fair in love and war. Yet not, only war because we all know love aint fair at all. So next time you know your breaking the law, and someone tells you you're gonna get it, just tell them you're willing to take the concequences.
22:00

Thursday, July 03, 2003

just some racist jokes for you....sorry if you're offended.....but really, its all in good faith right?

Did you hear about the old French rifles for sale on Ebay?
-Never been fired, dropped only once.

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Witnesses?
-Because Italians don't like any witnesses.

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
-No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

The French have just ordered a new national flag. It's a white cross on a white background.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
-A speech impediment.

How do you fix a woman's watch?
-You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

How can you recognize a French war veteran?
-Sunburned armpits.

Why did they raise the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
-They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.


21:23

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

just some facts for you to ponder:

-Drunk ants always fall over on their right side.
-One out of every two hundred women is endowed with an extra nipple.
-Jellyfish sometimes evaporate.
-George Washington grew marijuana in his garden.
-Women shoplift more often than men—the ratio is 4-to-1.
-Utah and Idaho are the only states where executions can still be carried out by firing squad.
-Menstrual cramps have been known to induce orgasm.
-On average, a four-year-old child asks 437 questions a day.
-After eating too much, your hearing is less sharp.
-Four percent of American women own no undergarments.
-Experts say that once you file something, there's a 98 percent chance you'll never look at it again.
-Men can read smaller print than women. Women can hear better.
-On average, we forget 80 percent of what we learn on any given day.
-Research shows that college graduates live longer than people who did not complete high school.
-The bananna is actualy a berry.
-When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red.
-The first victim of the electric chair took eight minutes to die.
-Mormon leader Brigham Young had 56 children by 27 wives.
-"Oculolinctus" is a fetish in which people are sexually aroused by licking a partner's eyeball.
-In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.
-Women swallow half of the lipstick they put on their lips.
-Both Hitler and Napoleon were missing one testicle.
-Two of the main causes of temporary impotence are tight pants and prolonged cigarette smoking
-The first episode of Sesame Street was sponsored by the letters W, S and E.
-Studies prove it’s harder to tell a convincing lie to someone you find sexually attractive.
-Table skirts were invented during the Victorian era. It was feared that a glimpse of a table leg could drive a man into a sexual frenzy.
-Psalms 118 is at the exact center of the Bible.
-The word "dude" is a combination of the words "duds" and "attitude."
-The size of your foot is approximately the size of your forearm.
-Under the law, you need at least three people to constitute a "riot."
-"Teen" is a Scottish word meaning "grief."
-Women blink twice as often as men.
-The middle stall in a public bathroom is the most contaminated. The first stall is the least contaminated.
-Robert E. Lee had exceptionally small feet—his shoe size was just 4½.
17:41

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

anyways, i saw a preview for Halo 2 and man that game looks awsome. pistols in each hand, you can jump onto other peoples ghosts and attack them, many new jeeps with different guns on them, sweet action. heres a quote for ya from some dude that progames stuff - "Halo 2 is a lot like Halo 1, only it's Halo 1 on fire, going 130 miles per hour through a hospital zone, being chased by helicopters and ninjas... And the ninjas are all on fire, too."
yes thats right, the ninjas are on fire too! oh man, so sweet.
22:31

Monday, June 23, 2003

Wow, it feels good to be back. i had a revelation while away, in Chicago everyone is either black, gay, old or they're a tourist. so if you're not a tourist in Chicago, look at your hands, if they aren't black or very wrinkly, you just figured out why gay bars attract your attention so much.

Also, no matter how wierd everyone else's family is, yours is wierder to them.
15:49

Monday, June 16, 2003

By the way........just wondering if anyone actualy reads this stuff. if you do, please write your name HERE:

thanks
22:54

a big old FUCK YOU TOO goes out to Mr u. i hope you rot in hell you bastard. thanks for screwing us over. man i hate you!
22:44

Saturday, June 14, 2003

A:
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar an England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage.
GeEkYDaNcEr05: *reaches into a random persons skirt* excuse me, i just have to get my blanket
Im the queen of france.
Everyone says you two have sex....
Girls are so complicated that they confuse themselves.
My solution: let's eat them!
There's always someone as horny as you are ugly.
Dogs always kiss you with the truthful.
15:15

Friday, June 13, 2003

WOOOHHHH YEA!!.......goes juniors! yea upper classmen.
anyways, so goes another year, im gonna miss so many people going to collage

-seniors of 03
Time is spinning by so fast,
you're losing years to the past
and all that i can ask of you,
is to not forget of the few
the ones who stayed by you strong
helpping you to push along
do not forget those who rest
when you start to leave your nest
because it is they that are those
who in the end, hold your rose.



but ya know, just my luck, friday the 13th and everything gets screwed over. i hate my luck so much.
plus, i got screwed on my scedual for next year and guess what....im in choir. me, in choir...where you have to sing. bah, this sucks.
shut up
23:38

Monday, June 09, 2003

this song has been stuck in my head for the past many weeks:

harry truman, doris day, red china, johnnie ray
south pacific, walter winchell, joe dimaggio

joe mccarthy, richard nixon, studebaker, television
north korea, south korea, marilyn monroe

rosenbergs, h-bomb, sugar ray, panmunjom
brando, "the king and i" and "the catcher in the rye"

eisenhower, vaccine, england's got a new queen
marciano, liberace, santayana goodbye

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

joseph stalin, malenkov, nasser and prokofiev
rockefeller, campanella, communist bloc

roy cohn, juan peron, toscanini, dacron
dien bien phu falls, "rock around the clock"

einstein, james dean, brooklyn's got a winning team
davy crockett, peter pan, elvis presley, disneyland

bardot, budapest, alabama, krushchev
princess grace, "peyton place", trouble in the suez

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

little rock, pasternak, mickey mantle, kerouac
sputnik, chou en-lai, "bridge on the river kwai"

lebanon, charles de gaulle, california baseball
starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide

buddy holly, "ben hur", space monkey, mafia
hula hoops, castro, edsel is a no-go

u-2, syngman rhee, payola and kennedy
chubby checker, "psycho", belgians in the congo

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

hemingway, eichmann, "stranger in a strange land"
dylan, berlin, bay of pigs invasion

"lawrence of arabia", british beatlemania
ole miss, john glenn, liston beats patterson

pope paul, malcolm x, british politician sex
jfk, blown away, what else do i have to say

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

birth control, ho chi minh, richard nixon back again
moonshot, woodstock, watergate, punk rock
begin, reagan, palestine, terror on the airline
ayatollah's in iran, russians in afghanistan

"wheel of fortune", sally ride, heavy metal, suicide
foreign debts, homeless vets, aids, crack, bernie goetz
hypodermics on the shores, china's under martial law
rock and roller cola wars, i can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
Will it still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

-we didn't start the fire, Billy Joel

21:09

Monday, June 02, 2003

you are all consumer whores......all of you sporting your favorite band's t-shirt, you people who shop at those fancy brand places like ambercrombie whatever...or what ever you prefer, all you people buying pants just because they got words on the butt......consumer whores i say. anyone with a sweatshirt that has any design on it whatsoever....consumer wench. also.....all you people buying stuff to wear that will make you look different, you've failed. everyone else looks just like you, you wont ever stand out, give it up. anyone of you who buys more than one shirt every....lets say 4 months, is that fatest consumerwhore ever. you dont need more clothes, let alone crappy clothes. id just like to say that people faking life are just wasting your time.
20:38

Friday, May 30, 2003

you know, ive relized that im afraid. im afraid that time is going by too fast.....its already been 2 years of highschool. friends are leaving already....senors will be gone in 3 months time. never to be seen again most likly. next year, even more will leave, and then in 2 years time......all of them. every last one of the friends ive made in highschool will be lost. its already happing with the transition from middle to high school, with the majority going to CP. and finaly, i already know, withing 10 years, half my friends will be married with a kid, or 3 (you mormons start early) and the others will be engulfed in their own lives i guess thats life. i wish that i knew what i know now, when i was younger....oh how true that is, how true. oh i wish i had known this..i wish....
22:37

Friday, May 23, 2003

well today was fun......bah. a whole flood of memories coming back that i forgot i had. made me remember an old friend, and a horribly painful memory. not to mention i look like the compleat idiot to john and laura. ahhhhhhhhh......i feel so stupid. why did i have to remember that....why do i have to put up with hearing all these things...and now i doubt ill hear anything else after that breakdown today. the helplessness of it all, not being about to stop. and the need to just leave.... all leading to the question why?....... why?
20:17

Thursday, May 08, 2003

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA............DPR ROCKSSSSSS oh yea. dear paul revere that is. so did many of the others at battle of the bands. also, TRACK WON ohhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaa... we beat campo making us the undesputed champion of the leage. now only leauge meet and we get the penenate......YAAAAAAAAAAAaa........bah shins hurt.
21:29

Friday, May 02, 2003

bands suck nowadays....they all have to steal music for the bands of old. vanilla ice riped off queen's under presure, good charlotte took billy joel's we didn't start the fire, greenday took the kinks' picture book, and theres plenty more....even in rap....tupac stole bruce hornsby's thats just the way it is. its just the fact that musicians these days suck and that oldies are the best. Another ripoff would be avrial lavigne or what ever, stealing beats from Tom Petty. Thats right, all you pop punk people... your music sucks! i mean gezz, when your ripping off guns and roses, what has the world come to?
19:00

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

a couple things tonight:

1) now that Iraq is out of the picture, whats next? -well heres the battle plan, first we take out N. Korea, they have been pissing me off latly wihth all their commie crap, then we take out Iran because they are Muslim people trying to end christianity. also those palistines, for trying to kill the jews over there, gotta protect the christian religon, even if they are jews. after that we bomb germany, they used to be nazis and many still are, DIEEEEE. The, we take out austrailia and canada, they have been much to quite and are probably planing something, so lets stop it now before its started. finaly we'll hit china, they are complaining of over population, lets solve it for them, then they can have all the kids they want.
-now the question is, am i being sarcastic and trying to point out that our war with iraq was stupid and i am anti-war.....or am i dead serious?


2) women- why is it, that theres all these woman rights fighters and feminists for equality, when women themselves are contradicting that exact point. When a guy pisses off a girl and she smacks him, its perfectly alright and the guy got what he diserves, but if a guy tried doing that to a girl, its domestic abuse. how is that equal. how is it equal for a girl to kick some guy in the crotch, and everyone is supposed to get a good laugh when if a guy hits a girl in the boob, he gets kicked in the crotch. Why is it the guy thats expected to pay for everything on a date, supposed to be the one to ask a girl out and the one who is supposed to take the high road. why is it the guy that has to do the manual labor in this county, huh? i dont see any girls going down in those mines and digging us some coal. wheres your equality of jobs there, eh? i could go on with this for quite some time, but you get the picture. and all this time, girls are complaing, oo, my life is so much worse, we have our periods and get pregnant, well thats a fairly easy way to fix those problems. get your self spade like your cat, and just dont have sex. but even if you choose not to do it that way, those are a small price to pay to get your own servents for free.
-basicaly: guys get the short end of the stick

3)Mr. stephens is an ass that sould go rot in hole filled with maggoty crap like rotting bodies. so go die mr stephens, just DIE

4)duck tape fixes everything, like right now, im using it to cure my wart.

5)suicide bombers either kick ass, or are the stupidest dumb mothers anywhere
22:08

As i sit here, listening to random bits of music, ive relized something. these new hip bands like good charlotte have no talent. sure they're good to listen to when you want to hear mindless drabble about things that dont matter to you, but if you truly listen, you hear that they have no skill at all. Drums, guitar, bass, they all play these really simple beats that even i could play, if tempted with the amout of cash their getting from their "loyal" fans. theres just no thought or heart in their music. same goes with the lyrics....they probably just come up with it in an hour, dont work on it or anything.....and just randomly put ryming things into the song, who cares if it has nothing to do with the meaning of the song, but oh wait, there is no meaning, so it fits perfectly.
12:42

Monday, April 21, 2003

you know what i hate...whinners. they piss me off. if you can't handle it, then dont do it. and if you can handle, then dont complain. if its something like not having enough time to do a sport or homework, pick which is more important to you and do it, dont complain about it. its all your choice, which you want to do. and once you make your disision, its yours. if you made the wrong one, sucks for you dont it. suck it up. no one to blame except yourself. if its something someone does or says, just dont go near them, is it that hard? or just give the ol' remedy of the swift kick to the crotch, guy or girl, they'll get the hint. dont like your life? do something about it and change it yourself, dont go about to other people and take their time away with your pathetic words.
i know that i can be one to complain to....next time, slap me. ill thank you for it. ill also thank you for slapping anyone else. in fact, ill thank you in advance. Thank You. so there, now go a slapping.

also......people who have excuses for things....that makes me mad too. gerrr

"suck it up and grow a pair." -maddox
23:02

Monday, April 07, 2003

yea, just as i figured, much to lazy to actualy keep this up, so.........screw all ya'll im going to sleep. maybe ill come back, if i ever got something to write about. i know i had something to say but ive forgoten. later
21:23

Sunday, April 06, 2003

ooooo man, new york was sooo cool. too tiered to go into detail....bah, so tiered and its only 9. well, id just like to say i hate the fat fatty fat ass. she pissed me off a little too much, and if she tries to tell me what to do one more time, im gonna just whal on her, just let it all out. either that or go make love to the nearest squirrle. anyway.....christers servies good fish and chips.
21:02

Sunday, March 30, 2003

EVERYONE BE HAPPY!!.........why does our world have to suck so much that people aren't happy. it brings me down as im sure, it brings you down. bah, people just need to check their baggage at the door, emotional that is. i can feel all the pressure from other people just pushing down on me, it breaks me down to see people suffer and cry or even get hurt. why does it have to be this way?

sidenote- why does everyone try to compeat with each other. sure compition is good, in games and sports. but not in everyday life. im tried of everyone having to be better than someone else or always being right. lets just let it be and not start it. everyone has had different expereances, and thats what sets us all apart. i know personaly i have had many which test my character and give me impressions of being better than others, but i know im not. why cant everyone see im not trying to be better than them, im just trying to be the best i can for myself.

too bad i just cant get a break, a chance to be free from all this. a month somewhere with no cares. or at least....to be a cat and get to do nothing all day. that would be cool. actualy, i wish i could express my feelings into writing, but i cant. i cant get my message across cleary and everything i write, i fear makes no sense. bahhhhh just go awayy!!
21:08

yay, tommorrow is new york.

-yesturday was so cool.... paintball. it just was, no details.

afterwords i relized i had gotten posin oak from it....so id just like to say DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee
20:47

Thursday, March 27, 2003

I used to be fake, but now im trying to be real, but i think im just faking it. -Greg

Well, i guess this thing is gonna turn into a diary/say stuff place.....just like everyone else's. joy.... anyways, track beat Mt 110 to 19..yay!! and today had a nice chat with greg/laura about everything. made me open my eyes a little more.
bahhhh.....stupid archive thing, not letting my edit it. gerrr well i gotta start getting ready for Ny. just wanted to put that quote in before i forgot it. later
19:07

Saturday, March 22, 2003

NOTE: all places with a --deleated-- sign are where ive taken out things because origonaly noone was gonna read this, but then greg talked me into giving him the link, so yea....i had to edit it for context.

also....id like to note that it took forever to change the colors around...and it still looks bad. BAHH and now the sizing is slightly different from gregs. :-)
19:31

there are a few people in this would that make me belive everything is gonna be alright.

-Melissa for obvious reasons.....wont go into details
-Jessica because with her, i truly belive there are good people out there. i feel like a better person when around her. her religous faith and strength of character are great qualities, if only we could all be like that.
-Greg for being true and opening my eyes a little wider each day. always cheerful, even if he isn't really- a pleasnt change from the, bah i hate everything that most people do. also, for being himself
-Laura for her bluntness, and not trying to be fake like other people. I can always rely on her for a straight answer, i cant think of one time when she has lied to me.
-Jason- has the undieing good will and patience. i doubt that ive ever seen him truly mad and no matter what happins to him, i can see him being santa. i wish i was like him.

sorry if your not here, i dont think anyless of you. your still a good person.

i dont really expect anyone to read this except greg, since im giving him the link, so i hope none gets offended. i guess ill just give him a sock for his hard work.


--deleated--



ive relized that i get "old" with people. like, everyone thinks im fine for the first 2 months or so, then i just start getting old, and we dont become as good of friends, and then just stop. i dont have a best friend. my old one (jerrad) i hardly talk to anymore, just the occasional hi as we pass in the halls...maybe. everyone else has best friends, i just have myself. actualy melissa is, since your girlfriend is supposed to be your best friend. the one person your'd rather spend time with more than anyone else. but im not her bestfriend. so its uneven. nothing ever works. it makes me sad. but im HAPPY because i jsut keep my sorrow and anger inside. so many feelings, with no outlet. and its been getting worse. i really am starting to belive that basketball used to be my outlet, but now......no basketball so whats gonna happin to me? ive just been cought in a whirlpool of pain and anger and hatred and evil things.......which i dont want. i think that naturaly im a good, happy, person. --deleated--

well, time to go eat. ill just down my sorrow and pain in food.........like always. maybes thats why i eat so much?
17:47

well, i just had this whole thing writen, but deleated because i relized that it could all be summed up in one sentence.
SEX= SCREWS US OVER......all this would be because our society is based on it. everything is. and that makes me sad. i wont go on explaning it....seeing how i just did and then deleated it, so.....

shoe
17:22

well, this being the first post...id just like to welcome you all here. im sure ill probably forget about this by tommorrow(wonders of being robert) or i just wont have time to ever update it. oh well. one day. anyway, id just like to say im sorry right up front. for everything ive ever done. so yea........ bye now
I just relized this thing is just like a diary.....why?
16:59